Friday, 11 May 2012

Pregnancy sucks


When I was a little girl,  I  was asked by the teacher the following question:  " In the year 2000 you will be 26 years old.  What will you be doing."  And I said.  " I will be married and have a baby."

I thought I would get married on my back lawn by a guy who swept me off my feet, that my parents would be married forever, and I would probably live in the town that I grew up in and live happily ever after with perfect love.

Well now, 12 countries later, parents divorced,  I'm not married but in a serious long term partnership and pregnant at 38 with my first child. I guess all I can say is life isn't what I had planned as a 6 year old from a small town.

Fast forward 32 years to me now at 13 and a half weeks pregnant and all I can say is :  What the hell was I thinking?  I hate being pregnant.  No one tells you that you are going to hit 6 weeks pregnant and be so tired you feel like you can't walk down the street without taking a snooze.  That your boobs are going to make you look like some kind of porn star and that they will HURT.  Also that your partner is going to want to have a good squeeze, and all you can say is ' If you touch them, I swear I will kill you.'   Your sex drive will disappear as the acid creeps up your esophagus for weeks on end.  It will be there at night when you go to sleep, and first thing in the morning when you wake up. 

Throwing up 8 times a day is also another delight.   I remember hearing the term 'morning sickness' and I thought it almost sounded cute. There is nothing cute about it.  There have been mornings where I forgot to put crackers by my bed the night before.  If I don't literally eat something the second I wake up within 15 minutes I will be vomitting yellow bile.  Do you cry when you throw up?  It still brings tears to my eyes.  Luckily though, unlike when I was six, I don't get my hair in it anymore. Also if I hear one more person say - Oh you are being sick - that's a really good sign - i swear I will hit them in the face with a mallet.

The cravings are bizarre.  I only ate fish and didn't eat meat before.  Now I will sit bolt up in  bed and think, 'I need Guacamole Chicken Tacos' .  So, I'll get up, march down to the super market, get the ingredients, come home, cook them, and then  not be able to eat them  because the smell of them makes me sick.

Oh and smell.  Let's hope that your partner doesn't have a good sense of it .  Get a dog so you can blame your racid farts on it.   My poor pooch is unfairly lumbered with this accusation all the time.  I don't know whose are worse, mine or his, and he used to be known as napalm arse.

My sense of smell, however,  is now incredible.  My own deodarant made me vomit one day.  And you do crazy things as a result of it.  My boyfriend who had recently quit smoking came home one day, and I said with hands on my hips  " Ron, have you been smoking again'  he said "No".  I went up to him and sniffed his neck and fingers like a Rottweiler( or crazy person - your choice) .  And then I realised that the back of his head smelled of it.  I said 'How can it be nowhere on your body but  on your hair."  He said " Oh my God Alison, I was at the mechanics and one of the guys there was smoking behind  me."    Ah.

I am told that everything gets better in the second trimester.  I hope to god it's true.


  1. oh, honey... it DOES get better, after the first trimester. you WILL be less tired, and you *hopefully* won't throw up as much.. your weird cravings for food, however, won't go away, and whatever was once your fave foods, might never again be... :)
    your tender boobs will stay, until after the baby stops breast feeding..

    and i can't with a straight face say that the last few weeks of the pregnancy was fun.. you'll be huuuuge, tired, snore like a full grown man, and be too huge to see your own feet. no fun.
    but.. it's all worth it in the end. THAT i can promise!!!!

    i miss you!!!!

  2. Oh Carina - i just don't know how you did it. You went to work and had all those crazy hours, never complained. I just whine. I hate throwing up and was hoping it would stop by now, but still sick three times a day. 14 weeks today! I'm looking forward to the end. Another six months to go.

  3. but.. i had a relatively easy pregnancy. i got sick - once. :) i couldn't eat my usual fave foods, but that was abt it.. and the strangest craving i had was the cheerios and milk one, and that was bland and easy to eat. :)

    there were days where i fell asleep at my desk at work, yes.. and i was asleep pretty much as soon as i got home at night, but.. other than that, i had it easy. :D

    if you can, try to find ginger root and make tea off of that? supposed to help...

  4. I have ginger tea - it's ok but not a cure all... yesterday I drank juice and was really sick. One day it's fine and the next it sucks. But when I'm sick, I'm really really sick. I actually have an entire post about what to do to not puke. I haven't gone down the medication route yet but give me a couple more weeks of this and I will.

  5. I just found out I am pregnant for the second time too. I'm not that far along but girl, let me tell you! I hate anything that smells because I barf. I have very bad headaches and overall feel like crap.
    I would say that it gets better, but I know that some women feel like crap all through their pregnancies so I'm not going to lie. My 1st preg. was smooth sailin'. This one... not so much. Hang in there!

  6. I completely hate being pregnant too! I'm currently at 25 weeks. I know the "prize" in the end is so worth it, but damnit, I want my body back! I can't sleep at night, wake up feeling sore and exhausted, 'm breaking out, and I can't stand my husband. He never seems to do anything right - makes me wonder if it's truly the hormones, or if he's just a jerk & I'm noticing it more nowadays, lol. My ankles and feet have swollen so much that I had to buy a full-size larger in shoes (from a 7.5 to an 8.5) and I hate wearing these stupid maternity clothes. I've gone broke buying things for the baby (crib, furniture, clothes, etc.) and really wish I could afford my pedicures and tanning sessions. I haven't been able to move my body at all, though doctors say I should be walking much more often. Ugh! (whew, feels good to vent, to someone who "gets" it - thanks!) :)

  7. I'm 16 weeks and I hate it... When does it get "better"?

  8. I hope for your sake it got better. Mine has been a total soul destroying nightmare. The second trimester brought a legion of toxic hormone explosions which turned my brain into a seething pile of craziness. As a scientist I consider myself, in general, to be a rational thinker. Everything I know and identify about my own personality has been utterly vaporized, after of course, surviving the harrowing 20 weeks of so called "morning sickness" ( a term, by the way, so incredibly inaccurate that only a man could have come up with it). I am also living abroad in Switzerland with a British husband who is ever so kind but whose constant concern for my well-being counter-intuitively makes me want lash out at him, leading me spiraling into the next existential crisis of the day where I start wondering if I am an evil human being. No one understands and I work with a bunch of unforgiving men, one Italian (sorry but enough said), and a total lack of contact with women who can mirror, empathize and comfort me in the American style I so desperately want and need. Yes, this is purgatory if not hell and my conclusion is that you just have to get through it. Not sure how yet. Always hoping that tomorrow will be a better day....