Rescued By The IKEA Angel In MDF Hell

WARNING: PLEASE MIND THE BUMP

I did the dumbest thing I have done in a while today.  I thought, I need a fan, some cloth napkins, egg cups, and a couple of bowls,  so I know what I will do.  We have one close to us, so I will go to IKEA.  Muppet.


What the hell was I thinking? Normally I'm pretty much allergic to the place. I really haven't been into an IKEA for years. I forgot that you had to be a marathon runner to get through it.  I don't know if they are all the same, but I think they are, in that there is only one exit, and you have to walk past miles and miles of MDF hell before you get to the cash registers at the other end. Oh, and by the way, guess what IKEA doesn't sell... a fan, cloth napkins and egg cups.


So after bumbling ( I no longer walk) through the entire store to get to the promised land,  the cash registers,  (signal angels and pearly gates now), and picking up a bunch of stuff I had no intention of buying in the first place: three pot plants, plates, bowls and huge rug, I then realised that one of the plates I had bought was chipped, so I thought, I'll go back and get another one, forgetting that the plates were in the middle of the store about 200 miles away from where I was standing.  I turned around to go back, walked in circles a  couple of times past the rug section, and finally after finding two sales assistants who sent me off on a wild goose chase, found a nice one who knew the store. 


I said 'I need to find the dinnerware section, two of your colleagues have sent me in the wrong direction, I'm really pregnant, I'm really tired and I can't go in a circle again.' She was so sweet and said, 'I get it.  I've done it twice, and being pregnant is no time to be in IKEA.  I'll take you to the section you need to go to.'


At that moment I think I fell in love with her.  My short dumpy, slightly butch, IKEA saviour. 


She delivered me like a guardian angel back to the cash registers,  I bought my set of crappy plates, cute plants, enormous rug,  and made it home.  Phew.  Very happy to be curled up with my little dog.  


I do take my hat off to IKEA though - they understand the meaning of Captive Audience, and know that after 2 hours of walking through a jungle of crap that you are likely to buy something just so your trip wasn't a total waste.